It takes a REAL man to handle a Bold, Strong, Intelligent, and Amazing woman. I thought I had that man. We were together 4 years and 10 months. We grew up together. I regret nothing for those were the happiest years of my life. I learned so much from him and he learned so much from me. I thought he knew how to handle me. He knew every little part about my life and me. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It is true about your first Love. It is the hardest to get over, but it only made me stronger. Towards the end, I truly learned that he was still very much a boy. Reality is a scary thing to many, including him. Our future was growing immensly bigger. We got a car together, we had so many memories, he was living with me, we were both on the same insurance, we were to take a trip to Mexico at the end of the year and we were about to emerge into our Third semester of College. Essentially we were married by common law. I desierd no man. I did not want to feel the touch of another. I was TRULY in love. My world was his for the taking which he carried on his shoulder so loosely. When a lie was upon his face, I ALWAYS knew. I never told him that directly, but sometimes I would. Those times I would tell him, he would tell me "Brandi, a relationship needs trust. You can not be in a relationship if you do not have trust". That was him sealing those lies shut. That was him creating a pot of guilt to carry on those wide shoulders of his and eat slowly away at him for more years to come. But he taught me to forgive, but I would never forget. So I would carry on knowing that lie and the many others he proposed to me within that relationship thinking "He will change"... "We are young"... "We are only learning"... "He would never hurt me, he knows how many people and things I have lost"... No. This is where he was chased away from reality and into a ficticious dream just like the God's mankind made up. I tried ohh soo hard for him to tell me the truth. I knew those lies would devour him and I never wanted him to hurt. I never wanted him to be in pain or feel pain for I have felt it too many times. It was my love for him. It was something that needed to be done! I needed and wanted him to be comfortable to tell me anything for I was that way for him. I felt that was the ultimate love in a relationship. He asked me about a month before we broke up if he was "attractive". A odd question, but a question none the less which showed insecurity. I was always asking that question. Why him now? He wanted to feel "wanted". He wanted to feel as though he was attractive. Who doesnt? Of course I reasurred him, but I knew there was something deeper ripping at his well-being. I always knew when something was wrong. I have this 6 sense which everyone is capable of having, but only if you listen. A girl who worked in the electronics department at Walmart where he works, threw herself at him which he gladly caught in open arms away from my gazing brown eyes. It was NEW. It was Exciting. He is young, and these new feelings were interesting. The feelings we used to have together were much bigger then those little butterflys. Those feelings we both had for each other, evolved and took on a more massive form. A form that not every relationship has the opportunity to experiance. We killed all statistics, him and I. We focused on our future while others were busy popping out babies, dropping out of high school and throwing away many relationships for a new high. This new girl knew about his relationship with me. Him and her had a rather detailed conversation about it. So why does he now say hes "Happy" and "Loves" her. I find it rather hilarious, because how do they both expect this rebound to last when it was bred from Lies, Cheat, Distrust amd Dishonesty? The future is an amazing thing. This only showed me who he truly is. This showed me that he was incapable to handle a woman such as I. Even though I was his light at the end of the tunnel for a beautiful life and true happiness, he decided to not reach for it in the end. He wanted the darkness instead. That darkness is a powerful thing that I too was engulfed in before I met this man. I guided him more ways then I can count, and him to me. But that was a journey only he could take. No longer could I be there with him side by side. However, I will always remain right there within him. Something he will never rid of. A beautiful Red Rose in a forest of death. True happiness deep down within his soul. His Heart. His Imagination. For he too will always be within my forest of green lush beauty. I gladly accept my future now without him. I learned so much, and took off with so much from our memories together. As a one of the most intellgent men from our time once said "It's only when a man tames his own demons that he becomes the king of himself if not of the world" and "The meaning of life is to Experiance it. This is the true meaning of life, Experiance. You live for experiance"-Joseph Campbell. One thing that I can say is everyone makes themselves. Nobody else but you. You create your future and you create who you are. I know exaclty who I am, and that is the one thing that I love about myself and that I am so grateful for. I thank him for all of those moments and memories, and most of all I thank him for that experiance. He showed me that I will make an AMAZING girlfriend and wife one day to man who rightfully deserves me. If a man cant handle me at my worst, then he deffiantly doesnt deserve me at my best. Only a Strong man can handle a strong woman.